Can I include recorded music on a podcast, or is there a copyright issue with that? How much would I have to pay for health insurance if I didn’t have my job? Am I saving enough for retirement? How does book publishing work, and would anyone actually be interested in my “essays”? What does music do in us? What does music do for a community? For an individual? When can I learn how to read poetry? Could I learn to sing? To conduct? To dance? To compose? How long can I really expect to be able to play the violin? What will happen to me once my body and mind become feeble? Once I don’t have parents or a husband or even a brother to help me? Once I lose my youthful verve? Where will I fit into this world when I am old? Can I still help people when I become weak? Does our house require a lot more maintenance than we are providing? Do we need to paint? What do we do with our old electronics? What exactly am I trying to prove/achieve/accomplish with everything I do? Am I capable of sitting still? Does doing stuff make me happy or sad? Does it make me happy and then sad, and is that cycle inevitable? Is it healthy? Is it natural? Am I a “good” person, or am I actually pretty bad? What is underneath my ability to be what society values? Am I doing way too much or not nearly enough, and according to whom? Is it possible to live a life inside of music but outside the music world?
a blog by Ellen